Love Has Nothing to Do with Someone Else

2008-05-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

"Love has nothing to do with someone else It is your state of Being
Love is not a relationship
A relationship is possible
but love is not confined to it
It is beyond it-it is more than that
Man becomes mature the moment he starts
loving rather than needing
He starts overflowing- he starts sharing
he starts giving
And when two mature people are in love
one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens
They become one and their oneness does not destroy
their individuality.
---Anonymous

I have never met a human being who does not have a desire for love and connection. At the same time, I have never met anyone who does not have the opposite drive-to be their true self. In love there is respect and room for both.
Love has been said to be a friendship set on fire. Passion and joy are what fuels the fire. having the trust and freedom to be who you are; to think and feel authentically in the relationship opens the gateway to connecting.
Relationships in this state pave the way toward higher consciousness and greater awareness. This opens another gateway--to creativity and growth.
Yet the path of relationship is challenging and skills are needed. A foundational skill is the acceptance of the paradox between freedom and intimacy. It is always amazing to me once these two desires are respected within a relationship how the heart opens and allows love to enter.
As love enters, so does freedom to share, to give, to have solitude and to be fascinated by the other. This fascination is a sign of growth.
Human beings are born into a state of dependency and the state of neediness is normal within
these confounds. Yet these states must be outgrown if maturity is to blossom. This state must be outgrown and replaced by self-confidence and self-esteem that allows for independence and the meeting of one's needs.
Most youngsters in the animal world leave their nest early--some leave at birth, and others later. The human has one of the longest periods of dependency of all species on the earth.
Sometimes youngsters never want to leave and parents enable this. Self-reliance is a wonderful trait to teach a child.
It is difficult because as children we really needed those on the outside to care for us physically as well as emotionally. This care communicates that we are/were valuable and develops within a belief in our basic goodness.
Without it, we have a hard time believing in ourselves.
At some point, these needs become our responsibility whether or not they were fulfllled or even provided for. A child looks to the outside to accomplish and satisfy his needs. A mature human conquers the realms within and becomes masterful and complete.
Therefore, to remain a child means that one sees the other as being the provider of our nourishment.
To grow up means to make that crucial transition to a life that is focused on self responsibility.
A relationship can only grow when two people take the time to be courageous enough to grow into their authentic self. Love has nothing to do with someone else.

Ani Dylan PsyD MFT

Love Has Nothing to Do with Someone Else